Ok, then *UPDATED*

I know some people don’t like baby showers. I happen to enjoy them quite a bit, though, and the one I went to today was particular fun.

The most memorable bits (besides the darling newborn who stole the show) were: 1) Everyone thinking I was pregnant and 2) Me coming face to face with death

The Pregnant Problem (I’m not, I’m not, I’m not)

I really enjoy catching up with friends I hadn’t chatted with in a while, and it was a hoot to swap stories and lively banter. However, in the process, I had two friends tease me about being pregnant at the EXACT moments that the rest of the room went quiet. Inconvenient, when you consider that I am NOT pregnant. 😀

One encounter began with me asking a pregnant friend how she was feeling. She said “Fine, how are YOU feeling?” and I froze. It’s just the kind of thing someone usually asks you for a reason and I drew a complete blank. Why would she ask me how I’m feeling? After a moment, I laughed and replied “I asked YOU because you’re growing someone inside of you! Why are you asking ME?” She had a quick response along the lines of “Oh, I was just wondering how your pregnancy is going” coupled with a chuckle. I’m positive I saw some heads snap to attention across the room just as she said that. One strike.

With encounter number two, a friend was relating to me how when I bowed out of a party earlier in the week because I was exhausted, everyone immediately assumed I was pregnant. So when I mentioned I was a little tired today as well, she responded “It’s all that first trimester fatigue you’ve been experiencing” with a wink. Again, this came right at the time there seemed to be a room-wide lull in conversation. Two strikes.

Who knows how many people in attendance at the baby shower now think I am with child? I’d better not eat too much oatmeal for breakfast in the morning or everyone will spot a “baby bump” at church tomorrow. 😉

The Choking Problem

I almost died today. No joke. I had no idea that baby showers could be hazardous to one’s health (well, except for the inevitable spread of heart attack food 😉 ).

The story unfolded after I conscientiously filled my plate with veggies and fruit and sat down to play some word games with my seatmate.

No less than one minute later, I had inhaled a generous chunk of pineapple. I tried coughing and clearing my throat discreetly, at which point I realized that I had zero intake of oxygen. I jumped out of my chair, made my way swiftly over to a bar stool by the kitchen sink (next to a capable friend who I thought was likely to know the Heimlich) and proceeded to contort violently while leaning over the counter, dribbling bits of slobbery pineapple, and ultimately launching the offending piece neatly into the sink. I wiped my mouth, managed a smile, and amazingly only had to explain myself to my dumbstruck friend by the sink who was the sole witness to the turn of events.

In the moment of desperation when my lungs started crying out for oxygen, do you know what went through my head? Not how much I love my husband and daughter. Not the fact that I’m too young to die. Instead it was a random nugget of information I heard many years ago that the number one place people die of choking is in restaurant bathrooms. They get embarrassed when they can’t clear a piece of food from their throat, so they excuse themselves and head for the bathroom where they can be alone. Alone is NOT good when you are choking, people! With that idea firmly in mind, I thus risked public humiliation and lived to tell the tale.

Anyway, back to my original point: what’s not to love about baby showers? Hehe.

UPDATED TO ADD:

Scott thought this post sounded uncharacteristically negative, and that certainly isn’t an accurate reflection of the experiences that prompted me to write it. In actuality, I had a fabulous time at the baby shower, (except for the choking, which of course had nothing to do with the shower because knowing me, a chunk of pineapple could have lodged in my trachea at any event).

Oh, and I know you’re wondering… today at church only one person told me they heard I was expecting. And, that person had read my blog and asked with the intent to razz me. 😀

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About beanland

Scott is a family practice doctor and Anne is a full-time mother and teacher to three beautiful girls and one boy.
This entry was posted in Life as we know it. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Ok, then *UPDATED*

  1. lisa (lost pezhead) says:

    love it! i’m glad you lived to tell the tale. sorry i missed your visit tonight….i’ve been attending non stop church meetings it seems. can’t wait to eat some yummy fruit tomorrow!

    Like

  2. Liz says:

    Oh, wow. I’m glad I read the bit about not going someplace alone if you are choking. I’d hope I wasn’t stupid enough to do that!

    Like

  3. Laura says:

    I hope that I never have a “Choking Problem”, but if I do, I’ll be glad I read your post!

    That is so oddly funny how you were stopped twice on the issue of pregnancy. Before Owen, a nice woman I worked with at OSU, stopped me one morning to tell me she had a dream the night before that I was pregnant. Like you, I was caught off guard a little. The really strange thing was that Bryan and I were at the time seriously talking about the possiblity of having a little one soon. Turns out…I WAS pregnant and didn’t know it yet!

    How this woman knew my innermost thoughts, I will never know. But, again, oddly funny 🙂

    Like

  4. Camille Craw says:

    So glad you lived to tell about it!

    Like

  5. Andrea says:

    I love baby showers too! Haven’t been to one in a while, but I always looked forward to them like a “girl’s night out.” Glad you’re okay!
    Can’t wait to hear where you guys match!

    Like

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